Reconciliation at the Table

Reconciliation at the Table
Okay, by a show of hands—how many have had a disagreement with someone in your life? (hands)…That’s kind of what I thought—most people in the world have had a disagreement of some kind with someone before…It’s bound to happen that personalities will clash, or miscommunication will happen, expectations won’t be spoken or met…As human beings we have a problem at times getting along with people…Now as you think about a person that you have had a disagreement with….For some it might be the most vivid person and that disagreement may have been awhile ago and for some it might be the most recent person…Now that you have that person in your mind, how did you handle your disagreement and have you reconciled with that person?
For the past month, we’ve been thinking about our legacies and what it is that we want people to remember about our lives as individuals and our legacy as the church…We’ve talked about legacies not being about our death, but the way that we live our life because our legacy is only our legacy if that’s truly how we lived…We have thought about the importance of deciding what’s important—that people and relationships are more important that stuff…Humility is an admirable trait…The importance of being in community and that as human beings we are addicted to being in community and meant to be in relationship with others…Then last week, we thought about what it’s like to be a Tigger—a positive or optimistic person or to be an Eeyore—a negative or pessimistic person…Now this week’s idea didn’t come directly from Randy Pausch’s book, The Last Lecture, but it may as well have…The lesson that Jesus teaches us in the Gospel of Matthew is one that is important and one that really does help us to think about our legacy…It helps because it’s important to think about how we relate to other people, but it’s important because reconciliation is also helpful for our own personal well being.
Reconciliation is something that is important, but something that we don’t always do…Sometimes it’s easier to stay angry at someone rather than admit where we have been wrong or where we have been hurt…But what is reconciliation? Is it just letting go of whatever it is that bothers us or forgetting a disagreement with a person? That’s not really what Jesus says in the passage from Matthew…
As Jesus is talking to the disciples, he says, “If one member of the church sins against you go to that person first to point out what happened.” Jesus very clearly doesn’t say go and tell everyone else but that person…or spread nasty rumors about that person around town…Jesus says to go to that person directly. Now, that’s just good solid advice from Jesus…I mean the best way to clear up a disagreement or miscommunication with someone really is to go directly to that person to make sure that everyone knows what exactly is being talked about and what exactly happened…It’s really just logical advice…Most people would agree that the best way to solve the problem is to go directly to the source…And yet although that is the best solution and the most logical advice, that seems to the be the least likely to happen…It’s so much easier to tell everybody else rather than tell that one person…For some it’s because they hate conflict and avoid it all costs…Then there are the people who love conflict and intentionally cause fights…Do you know which one you are? I’ve found that those who are in favor of conflict don’t usually recognize it themselves…If you think about the interactions that you have had in your life around reconciliation, how have those interactions turned out? Jesus doesn’t just give the one piece of advice and then says, well that’s the way to handle these kinds of things…Jesus continues giving some scenarios if reconciliation doesn’t happen yet…
Then Jesus says that if that doesn’t help things and you aren’t heard, then take one or two people with you to be witnesses. Now the witnesses that come with you are people that are able to help you sort through what just said…Sometimes in the middle of our pain and hurt and anger it’s hard to hear someone else just as much as it’s hard to be communicate ourselves…Having those two or three other people might help to allow communication to happen and to happen better…
Then, finally Jesus says if neither of those two things help to build reconciliation, our next option is to tell the church…So, now comes the time where you air your hurt and disagreement…But not in a way that you just tell random people everywhere…There are specific ways to handle that communication so that both parties involved are given dignity and an equal opportunity to both be heard and to communicate themselves…Kind of like how our justice system is supposed to operate—innocent until proven guilty…If the community of believers already has their mind made up because of rumors being spread, neither party gets an equal opportunity to reach that level of reconciliation…
Reconciliation really wraps up all of the thoughts about legacy that we have had throughout the past month…Reconciliation is important within a community because it’s about restoring relationships…Sometimes it takes humility in relationships to admit that we have been wrong and seek reconciliation…Deciding that people and relationships are more important than stuff…All ways that we build our legacy…
A couple weeks ago, I shared a story about a time when I had felt hurt and devalued at a meeting…As a result of what happened, I was driven to tears with a friend… After a while, I came to the point where I said, “well, now all that’s left to do is suck it up and deal with it.” And he offered me another kleenex and quietly said, “Can I offer something else? Instead of sucking it up…Offer it up…Give it to God.” It was a way that he was intentionally caring for my well being, but it was also a first step in reconciliation…I would love to be able to stand here right now and say that I have reconciled with each person at that meeting…but it’s not true…Actually I have not reconciled with any of them and to be quite honest, I don’t think that any of them know how I feel about what happened…I didn’t tell any of them what they did to hurt my feeligns…I didn’t even attempt to begin the process of reconciliation. Now some people say that if they don’t reconcile it’s easy for them to just not care anymore…I’d also like to be able to say that, but in my case, everytime I see or hear from those people, I get angry all over again…Reconciliation is as much about our relationships with other people as it is about ourselves…Reconciliation helps our own spiritual and emotional well being as much as others’….
There is a sentence that is repeated often in meetings, prayer circles, services…I’m sure that I’ve used it multiple times myself. You don’t even need to say the whole thing, but everybody always knows what you’re saying when you say, “Where 2 or 3 are gathered…”
Now, there are several things that are going on in this passage…You know Jesus, he likes to mix things up a little bit. This verse comes at the end of the passage where he has been explaining how to handle disagreements or disputes within the church. After giving the specific instructions on how to handle them, the number of people to take with, who to involve and how to react….The process of reconciliation… At the end of this passage, he says, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” So, in the midst of that dispute or disagreement, Jesus makes it clear to the people, that he will still be present. Jesus, God made flesh, will not disappear because there’s a little spat…He will still be present. It’s going to take a whole lot more for Jesus to not be present in the midst of life.
The other thing is the clever way that he makes that statement. “I am there among them.” Do you remember back in the Old Testament, when Moses first encountered God in a burning bush, what name God told Moses? God told Moses, “I am, I AM.” God’s name is “I AM”… And Jesus just said, “I am there among them.” I AM there among them…I AM there…I AM…It’s a bold claim, strong and daring, but so comforting at the same time. It’s comforting to know that God is with us at all times…No matter what happens in life. There can be the disputes or there can be something that’s exciting or something that’s mundane and ordinary….God is there…There can be those things that just take your breath away and those things that are so devastating that you can’t bear to talk about them or face what’s just happened…And God is there…There are devastating events that happen…And God is there…
This morning as we celebrate the 2 sacraments in the United Methodist Church—Baptism and Communion…We are reminded once again about reconciliation…In the waters of our baptism, as we are cleansed from sin, we are also reminded that in the midst of that, God has claimed us as God’s child…That as we die to ourselves and rise with Christ, we are reconciled back to God…Then as we come to the Table, we are reminded once again of the reconciliation of ourselves to God through Jesus Christ…God showed us how to participate in reconciliation…Because in the middle of a dispute, God chose to come to those who God was in disagreement with…All human beings…As God came in the form of flesh and blood—in the form of Jesus…The words that Jesus was passing on weren’t just words, but how Jesus lived…
As you come to the table this morning, think about that person that you need to be reconciled with…Maybe it was someone from recent or someone from long ago…As you think about that person and come to the table of reconciliation, pray for the wisdom to be reconciled with that person and for the ways that will happen…And remember that as you go that God is present in the midst of what happens…God calls us to be in a right relationship with God, but also with all people…Let’s follow what God has offered to us in grace so that we may go to others and share that same grace and love…